Sign up to get updates from us
The year is 1890. Detective Sergeant John Billings is an honest and hard working man who has risen swiftly through the ranks to become one of Scotland Yard's youngest detectives. But in his private life he struggles with the demons of loneliness and morphine addiction.
While Scotland Yard is in the midst of foiling a Russian counterfeiting operation, Billings is asked to investigate the cold blooded murder of Lord Palmer. The main suspect is a rough looking vagrant called Brendan Lochrane who was employed by Lord Palmer to live as an 'ornamental hermit' in a grotto in his estate. When Billings visits Lochrane in his holding cell, he is moved by the look in the man's eyes. This is not the 'Wild Man' the press have made him out to be. Lochrane is mute, docile and unresponsive. A gut feeling leads Billings to suspect that the man is being framed. But who is framing him? And why?
Billings travels the length and breadth of Britain investigating the case. As he pieces together the fragments of Lochrane's extraordinary life, he slowly finds himself becoming embroiled in a web of corruption and deceit which goes right to the heart of Scotland Yard.
'The Ornamental Hermit' is a thrilling mystery which leads the listener on a colourful journey into Victorian England.
CAST
David Ault as Billings
Bob Lawrence as Clarkson
Ivan Wilkinson as Ferguson and Arthur Etherbridge
Luke Mulloy as Green and Jeremiah Rook
Shaun Mendum as Desk Sergeant and Charlie
Anthony Hewson as Jacobs
Tanya Rich as Mrs Hyunge
Sarah Bowers as Lady Palmer
Aubrey Parsons as Passenger
Mike Young as Al Bull
NEW EPISODE EVERY SUNDAY
Transcripts free to access on my ko-fi site
Audio Mystery Theatre website
ko-fi.com/audiomysterytheatre
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Ornamental Hermit - A D.S.Billings Mystery
EPISODE THREE: THE MYSTERIOUS SCHOLAR
SFX DOOR OPENS AND BILLINGS AND CLARKSON ENTER
1.FERGUSON Ah, here they are! Our men from the Yard. Welcome to Abingdon. Come in, come in.
2.BILLINGS I’m Detective Sergeant Billings and this is Detective Constable Clarkson.
3.FERGUSON And I’m Detective Sergeant Ferguson.
4.BILLINGS We’ve brought a photograph of the man we arrested two days ago. We are hoping to obtain a positive identification.
5.NORTHOVER Yes, we’ll go on to Sutton Courtney shortly, but first, let me brief you on the case so far.
SFX FERGUSON PICKS UP THE FILE AND LEAFS THROUGH IT.
6.FERGUSON (summing up) Lord Palmer’s body was found on the 21st of October at around eight in the morning by Bertie Green, the gardener of Sutton House. The body was lying face down on the ground with an axe sticking out of the shoulder blades. Green was in the outhouse when the murder occurred, and had heard Lord Palmer cry out for him, but he was in no position to rush to his aid. (reading from the file) ‘It were a sit down visit,’ according to Green, ‘me breeches were wrapped around me ankles and I was halfway through completing my purpose. With all the will in the world, I were in no position to jump up and rush to his lordship’s help.’ (laughs)
BILLINGS AND CLARKSON (laugh)
7.BILLINGS Why was Lord Palmer calling out for him?
8.FERGUSON ‘Green, bring me my shotgun. I have a pair of gypsy parasite here.’ That’s what the gardener heard Lord Palmer cry out.
9.BILLINGS Gypsy parasites?
10.FERGUSON That’s what the gardener said. When he finally concluded his business in the outhouse, he rushed to the woods and found Lord Palmer lying dead on the ground in the manner I just described. It turns out that Lord Palmer was on his way to the horse fair in Abingdon and had decided to take a short cut through the woods. According to Lady Palmer, he was looking to buy a new horse and had put three five-pound notes in the inside pocket of his coat. The bank notes were not there when he was found. Also missing was a gold cameo ring with a picture of a Greek warrior and a gold watch engraved with two date palms.
11.BILLINGS So what makes you think it was Brendan Lochrane who killed him?
12.FERGUSON Well, Lord Palmer’s body was found just outside Lochrane’s grotto, it was Lochrane’s hatchet which was used in the attack and the man himself disappeared shortly afterwards. As far as we’re concerned that’s enough to make him a suspect.
13.BILLINGS What about the gypsy parasites?
14.FERGUSON Well, that threw us too at first. There were some gypsies here at the time, who’d come up to the horse fair from Somerset to sell a horse. There were four of them. They camped in a field on the south bank of the Thames. We interviewed each one of them, but they all had an alibi in Isiah Frodsham who owns the field and who confirms they never left it. You’ll find the report of the interviews in this file. According to Green, Lord Palmer called everyone a gypsy. He used the word as an insult and was in the habit of yelling ‘gypsy’ at anyone who displeased him. This is also confirmed by Lady Palmer. Nobody else was spotted on the terrain at the time of the murder. That makes Lochrane our only suspect. Now, I believe you have a picture of him.
15.BILLINGS We do.
16.FERGUSON Well, then I suggest we make our way to Sutton Courtenay so you can speak to Green yourself. I have three bicycles parked outside. I take it you both ride?
17.GREEN That be them then, be it? Detectives from London?
SFX BILLINGS AND CLARKSON ARRIVE ON THEIR BICYCLES AND GET OFF
18.FERGUSON Yes. This is Detective Sergeant Billings. And this is... um...
19.CLARKSON (tired from cycling) Clarkson. Detective Constable Clarkson. ‘Ow do you do.
20.GREEN Found our Brendan, then did ’ee?
21.BILLINGS Well, we found a man that fits his description, but whether it’s Brendan Lochrane, that’s what we’re here to find out. I wonder if you could... (ruffels in his satchel) Could you please take a look at this photograph.
22.GREEN Oh, arr. That be him, alright.
23.BILLINGS Are you sure? Look again, please. Take your time.
24.GREEN That be him, Sergeant. That be our Brendan. Made it all the way to London, then, did he? How did he get there? I thought you fellas had all the roads blocked.
25.FERGUSON We assume he must’ve taken the river.
26.BILLINGS How tall would you say Brendan Lochrane was?
27.GREEN He’d be ’bout five foot seven, I’d think.
28.BILLINGS Not six foot three?
29.GREEN Oh no, not six foot.
30.BILLINGS Because the local police described him as being six foot three.
31.GREEN Local police? (to Ferguson) Is that ’ee, Tomas?
32.FERGUSON (defensively) The height was an estimate based on Lady Palmer’s accounts.
33.GREEN But he weren’t six foot, Tomas.
34.FERGUSON Lady Palmer described him as being tall and imposing.
35.GREEN He were imposing, alright, but he weren’t six foot, Tomas.
36.CLARKSON Well, that’s it, then, ain’t it? We can go back ’ome now, can’t we?
SFX CLARKSON PICKS UP HIS BICYCLE
37.BILLINGS Hang on, Clarkson. (to Green) Would you object if I took a stroll around the grounds?
38.CLARKSON Oh Billings, come on! There’s no need for that. Let’s go back to the station. Have ourselves a couple of drinks, before we go back ’ome.
39.BILLINGS You go on ahead. I just want to have a look around on my own.
SFX CLARKSON DROPS THE BICYCLE ON THE GROUND
38.CLARKSON I’ll wait for you here with the bicycles.
39.FERGUSON I’ll keep you company, Constable (takes a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket) Cigarette?
40.CLARKSON Thank you. (to Billings) But hurry up, Billings! We don’t want to miss the train back to London. The rib’s waitin’ for me with the supper. It’s stew tonight.
SFX BILLINGS AND GREEN APPROACH THE GROTTO
41.GREEN This is it, Sergeant. This be our Brendan’s home.
SFX BILLINGS TAKES A STEP TOWARDS THE GROTTO AND LOOKS IN. WE HEAR THE WATER TRICKLE DOWN THE WALLS. SUDDENLY A BAT FLIES OUT; MAKING BILLINGS JUMP.
42.BILLINGS (jumps)
43.GREEN (laughs) This cave’s always been popular with animals. (beat) I got a torch here. Le me light it, so ee can see better.
SFX GREEN LIGHTS THE TORCH.
44.GREEN There ee goes. Ee can see Brendan’s home now. We tried making it as comfortable as we could. See, there’s animal hides on the floor. And he had a bed and a brazier and a stool to sit on. But it’s still not a very jolly place, is it?
45.BILLINGS How did Brendan get to be employed by Lord Palmer?
46.GREEN Well, he replied to the advertisement Lord Palmer placed in the Abingdon Herald.
47.BILLINGS For what position?
48.GREEN Lord Palmer were looking for a hermit to live in these woods. Arr, that’s right. You heard correctly, a hermit. Apparently this whole area which lies between Boars Hill and the river Thames were holy once. All to do with a certain St Aebbe, some northern princess who introduced Christianity to the Saxons. Hermits would come to live here in medieval times, and I guess Lord Palmer thought it’d be funny to recreate that. People with money have different kinds of interests than us ordinary folks.
49.BILLINGS Yes. They do.
50.GREEN I recognized Brendan when he showed up for the interview. I’d seen him in these woods before. Came here to poach, I think. We get a lot of poachers around here. I even shot at him once or twice, I think.
51.BILLINGS Shot at Brendan?
52.GREEN Oh, not to hit him. Just to chase him away. Anyway, I never said nothing about it to Lord Palmer. Poor man meant no harm, he were only doing what he had to survive.
53.GREEN How much did Lord Palmer offer him?
54.GREEN Three shillings a week for a whole year. For that Brendan was offered shelter and a robe to clothe himself with, and sandals for his feet. And he’d have water and bread, and perhaps a few other things to make soup with, but no meat. And he gave him a staff, coz apparently a hermit must have a staff, and he told him not to shave or cut his hair or his fingernails. And if he completed his twelvemonth there’d be a hundred-pound bonus.
55.BILLINGS Where did Brendan come from?
56.GREEN Scotland, I think.
57.BILLINGS Why do you think Scotland?
58.GREEN Well, there were a woman up in Scotland he’d write to. I used to post his letters for him.
59.BILLINGS A woman?
60.GREEN Arr, a woman. Lorna Lochrane. He’d address the letters care of the post office in Whithorn, Wigtownshire. He only wrote to her a couple of times. He weren’t allowed to write, of course, but I smuggled in some paper and some ink after he’d signalled me for them.
SFX BILLINGS TAKES A NOTEPAD AND PENCIL OUT OF HIS SATCHEL
61.BILLINGS Lorna Lochrane, did you say?
62.GREEN Arr. That were her name.
SFX BILLINGS WRITES IT DOWN.
63.GREEN Your hand’s trembling. Is it too cold for ’ee, Sergeant?
64.BILLINGS No, no, it’s nothing, I...
65.GREEN Come on in. I got something here that’ll warm you up.
SFX GREEN LEADS THE WAY INTO THE GROTTO
SFX WATER TRICKLING DOWN THE WALLS. ECHOEY.
66.GREEN Come in, there’s a small hole in the wall behind the bed.
SFX GREEN PULLS THE BED AWAY. TAKES OUT A BOTTLE AND A TIN CUP FROM THE HOLE.
67.GREEEN There ee goes. Gin! Sit down and I’ll pour ’ee a cup.
SFX GREEN POURS THE GIN, BILLINGS SITS ON THE BED:
68.GREEN I got it for him. Smuggled it in for him. He weren’t allowed no liquor, of course, but he looked so downright miserable, the poor bugger, I thought he needed something to lighten his spirit. And this stuff warms you up like nothing else can. He liked his gin, so he did. He went through four bottles a week. Here ’ee goes. Put that down yer! Cheers!
SFX GREEN CLICKS THE BOTTLE AGAINST THE TIN CUP AND TAKES A SIP.
69.BILLINGS So did you spend many nights in here chatting and drinking gin with Brendan?
70.GREEN How could I have chatted with him? He had no tongue.
71.BILLINGS Of course, I don’t know why I....
72.GREEN I’d have done it, though. If I could. I’d have sat here with the poor feller and I’d have chatted with him all night. He were a sensitive feller. Even if he did look like a wild man in them dirty rags and that dirty, tangled hair. Although he did smell. I don’t know whether ’ee’s noticed that?
73.BILLINGS Yes, I have.
74.GREEN He had a real problem with his odour. And it weren’t that he didn’t wash. He washed regularly. I saw him do it. Washed himself and washed his clothes. But the smell remained and it were very hard to be close to be him. So I never did speak to him. Why, he’d already been living here for six weeks before I noticed he had no tongue. Six weeks, can ’ee imagine? I used to bring him his bread, see, and he’d take it from me and then he’d chew on it, and chew and chew, like a bloomin’ cow. It were a peculiar way of eating, but I never thought nothing of it until one day he nearly choked. He were coughing and gagging and I ran into the shed and slapped him on his back, and then he opened his mouth and tried putting his fingers down his throat to get to the little morsel, and that’s when I saw it! I were shocked. ‘Ee has no tongue!’ I cried. Then he looked at me angrily and turned away and refused to look at me again for days. I never did discover what happened to his tongue. Does ’ee know, Sergeant?
75.BILLINGS No, I don’t.
76.GREEN Oh, he were a sensitive soul, all right. All he wanted was to be left in peace, but in the beginning, Lord Palmer would invite the locals to his estate, so they could look at the hermit. They came from all over the place. Abingdon, Appleford, Culham, even Didcot. All came down to stare at the ‘Wild Man’ as they called him. Lord Palmer would make Brendan get out of the shed every week and walk up to the garden in his robe and staff so the people could see him. They’d gawk at him. And laugh at him. And shout obscenities at him. And sometimes they’d even throw rotting food at him. It were a real freak show. There weren’t nothing holy or dignified about it.
77.BILLINGS Do you think that is why he attacked Lord Palmer? Because of the humiliation?
78.GREEN Oh, that only lasted for the first few weeks. The novelty wore off pretty soon and the people stopped coming. Brendan were left on his own for most of the time after that. Especially as Lord Palmer started spending more time in London. Probably on account of her ladyship being frightened and disgusted by Brendan. Brendan went about his business then. Chopping blocks for the house or collecting firewood for himself. Are we done with this?
79.BILLINGS Oh, yes, thank you.
SFX GREEN REPLACES THE GIN BOTTLE IN THE HOLE, BUT HESITATES.
80.GREEN I don’t suppose there’s much point in hiding this gin now, is there? He’s not coming back, is he?
81.BILLINGS No, I suppose he isn’t.
82.GREEN You got him holed up in a prison cell now, have you?
83.BILLINGS He’s in a holding cell.
84.GREEN Waiting to be hanged?
85.BILLINGS If he’s found guilty.
86.GREEN Why does ee say “if?” Does ’ee think he’s not?
87.BILLINGS Do you?
88.GREEN Well, I don’t know who else could have killed his lordship. It were his axe.
89.BILLINGS Couldn’t somebody else have taken his axe and attacked Lord Palmer with it?
90.GREEN Like who?
91.BILLINGS Well... somebody who intended to rob him. I understand there was some money missing. And a ring and a watch.
92.GREEN Oh arr. He’d been robbed, alright.
93.BILLINGS Well, then perhaps somebody else took the axe. You did say you get a lot of poachers around here.
94.GREEN Arr, that we do, but we ain’t had any lately.
95.BILLINGS So then, in theory, Lord Palmer could have been killed by someone else.
96.GREEN That’s what ’ee said before, Sergeant. But I asked ’ee by who.
97.BILLINGS Who was staying in the house on the day of the murder?
98.GREEN Just the lord, the lady and the servants. Oh and Mr Percy had been staying at the house for a couple of days, but he left the night before the killing.
99.BILLINGS Who is Mr Percy?
100.GREEN He were some young scholar from Oxford who’d come to study the hermit. He came here often to talk to Lord Palmer. His lordship were very interested in history, as I mentioned, and liked having Mr Percy around.
101.BILLINGS Did you mention Mr Percy to the local police?
102.GREEN No reason to. Why? Does ’ee think Mr Percy killed Lord Palmer?
103.BILLINGS Do you?
104.GREEN Mr Percy left the night before the killing. I told ’ee that already.
105.BILLINGS What time did he leave?
106.GREEN Eleven, twelve, something like that. Lord Palmer were killed at eight in the morning. You don’t think Mr Percy would linger in these woods all that time, does ’ee? Just to kill Lord Palmer for fifteen pounds, a watch and a gold ring?
(pause)
107.BILLINGS If my calculations are correct. Brendan had been living on the estate for eleven months when the murder occurred?
108.GREEN Arr, that’s right. He came here in January, left in November.
109.BILLINGS So he was only one month away from claiming his reward, when Lord Palmer died?
110.GREEN That’s right.
111.BILLINGS It doesn’t seem reasonable then, does it, that he should kill Lord Palmer for a watch and a ring, if he was only one month away from getting a hundred pounds?
112.GREEN No, it don’t, Sergeant. It don’t seem reasonable at all. But then it never is reasonable, is it? When one man murders another? I think ’ee’ll find it’s a lack of reasoning that causes such a thing to happen in the first place.
SFX TRAIN ROLLS DOWN THE RAIL
113.CLARKSON Well, at least we got what we came for. The positive identification. That is what we came for, ain’t it? And we travelled long enough for it. This is the furthest I’ve ever been from London, do you know that? And I can tell you that I don’t like it. I don’t like bein’ away from ‘ome.
114.BILLINGS (internal) Oh, do shut up, Clarkson! The trembling has started again. I should’ve taken an ampoule of morphine with me. Why didn’t I do it?
115.CLARKSON ’ow you do it, Billings? (beat) Oi, Billings! I’m talkin’ yo ya.
116.BILLINGS (absent-mindedly) What?
117.CLARKSON ’Ow can you be on your own all the time? In nine years of marriage, I never spent a single night away from the rib. Never! D’you believe that? (pause) When are you gonna get yourself a girl?
118.BILLINGS Never.
119.CLARKSON Why not? You’re not that young anymore, you know? You really ought to start looking around for someone to settle down with.
120.BILLINGS (internal) Oh, do be quiet Clarkson, please. I can’t handle conversation right now. My guts are in agony. I need my morphine.
121.CLARKSON Did you get any new information from that gardener?
122.BILLINGS (suppressing his agony) What?
123.CLARKSON When you went to look at the grotto?
124.BILLINGS Oh. No.
125.CLARKSON I told you, you wouldn’t. I’m a better copper than you think I am. You should listen to me more often. I was born into the police, I was.
126.BILLINGS Were you?
127.CLARKSON My father was the chief inspector of the W Division. You didn’t know that, did ya?
128.BILLINGS No.
129.CLARKSON Pup of the truncheon, me.
130.BILLINGS (internal) Pup of the truncheon. That’s charming. Now do be quiet.
SFX DOORS OPEN AND BILLINGS AND CLARKSON ENTER.
131.BILLINGS (still suppressing his discomfort) You go on up to Jacobs. I’ll join you in a while. I just need to… um… I need to spend a penny.
132.CLARKSON Righty-ho.
SFX CLARKSON GOES UP THE STAIRS. BILLINGS RUSHES TO THE LAVATORY, TURNS ON THE TAP AND POURS SOME WATER ON HIS FACE.
133.BILLINGS (deep sigh) Just a few more hours. A quick de-brief with Jacobs. Then write a report – I’ll let Clarkson do most of that – and then home to my morphine ampoules. Just two hours. Three at the most. I can do it.
SFX BILLINGS DRIES HIS FACE WITH A TOWEL AND EXITS. HE APPROACHES THE RECEPTION DESK.
134.BILLINGS I need you to send a telegram to the Wigtownshire Constabulary.
135.DESK SERGEANT Oh, hello Detective Sergeant Billings. (beat) Are you all right?
136.BILLINGS What?
137.DESK SERGEANT You look pale.
138.BILLINGS I’m fine. Ask them to look for… (takes his notepad from his satchel) Lorna Lochrane in Whithorn. Tell them to ask her about Brendan.
139.DESK SERGEANT What shall I say it’s pertaining to?
140.BILLINGS Tell them it’s to do with the Lord Palmer case. It seems the Wild Man has a wife.
141.DESK SERGEANT Will do.
142.BILLINGS Thank you.
SFX BILLINGS WALKS TOWARDS THE STAIRCASE AND CLIMBS IT.
SFX DOOR OPENS AND BILLINGS ENTERS
143.JACOBS Ah, Billings.
144.CLARKSON Brendan confessed, Billings! Do you believe it? While we were out there in the sticks, the bloomin’ bugger confessed everything to Mr Jacobs!
145.BILLINGS (shocked) He confessed?
146.JACOBS Yes, I went to talk to him while you were gone. I asked him if he killed Lord Palmer, and he nodded a clear and undeniable ‘yes’.
147.BILLINGS It can’t be! It must’ve been a nervous tic.
148.JACOBS It was a nod, Billings. I asked him twice, and twice he nodded (beat) Are you alright? You don’t look at all well, old man.
149.BILLINGS (soundin ill) I’m alright. Where is he now? I want to talk to him.
150.JACOBS He’s been transferred to Newgate Prison. Are you sure you’re all right? You look ill.
151.BILLINGS I’m not ill. I must talk to him, sir. Tomorrow. He is not guilty. There must’ve been a misunderstanding.
152.JACOBS There was no misunderstanding, Billings. The case is closed.
153.BILLINGS But it can’t be. He’s innocent!
154.JACOBS How do you know?
155.BILLINGS I have an instinct. He can’t have done it.
156.JACOBS Then why did he confess?
157.BILLINGS To put an end to it all. Please sir, you must let me speak to him. A grave injustice is about to be done.
158.JACOBS Do sit down, old man. You’re clearly not well. Get him some water, will you, Clarkson?
159.CLARKSON Yes, sir.
SFX CLARKSON EXITS. BILLINGS SITS DOWN.
160.BILLINGS (deep sigh)
161.JACOBS What’s the matter, Billings? You’re shaking.
162.BILLINGS It’s nothing, sir. Just something I ate.
163.JACOBS What on earth did you eat?
164.BILLINGS Fish stew. The fish must’ve gone bad. Please, sir. Lochrane is innocent. He had nothing to gain by killing Lord Palmer. In fact he had everything to lose. He was only one month away from completing his contract and receiving his reward.
165.JACOBS The case is closed, Billings. There are no other suspects and he confessed. We already have our hands full with the Whitechapel murders. We are under constant scrutiny from the press and we don’t want that. (beat) Which brings me to another point. (changing his mind) But perhaps that can wait until tomorrow.
166.BILLINGS What is it?
167.JACOBS There’s an article about you in The Illustrated Police News.
168.BILLINGS About me?
169.JACOBS A despicable article by a certain Jeremiah Rook. He really seems to have it in for you.
170.BILLINGS Why?
171.JACOBS Apparently you told him you felt sympathy for Lochrane. He’s spun the whole thing to show that the CID is too soft and filled with bleeding heart do-gooders who sympathize with criminals. It’s all tosh, of course, and I shall certainly write a complaint to the editor. These kind of personal attacks on individual members of the police service are reprehensible and completely unacceptable. But in your case he does have a point. You’re a good detective, Billings, but you do have a tendency to take things to heart. Lochrane being a case in point.
SFX DOOR OPENS. CLARKSON ENTERS.
172.CLARKSON Here’s your water.
173.JACOBS We had better get you a cab. Get yourself to bed and take the day off tomorrow. Don’t come back until you’re better.
174.BILLINGS What about my report?
175.JACOBS Clarkson will write it.
176.BILLINGS But Clarkson didn’t speak to Bertie Green.
177.JACOBS (sternly) Clarkson will write it!
Music
SFX BIRDSONG OUTSIDE THE WINDOW
SFX BED SHEETS RUSTLING.
178.BILLINGS (sighs) (internal) Seven o’clock in the morning. I’ve been given the day off so why am I awake at seven o’clock in the morning? (beat) “You have a tendency of taking things to heart.” It’s true. Why does Lochrane’s plight affect me so? It’s the thought of him sitting alone in that cold, damp cave. It was a harsh, lonely life he led – and is still leading – having swapped a cold stone cave for a cold brick cell. I keep thinking of that lost and desperate look in his eyes when I visited him in the holding cell. There was a gentleness there behind that rough, weather-beaten face. A beautiful and melancholy look which somehow felt familiar. (beat) Are these echoes of my own loneliness? Could I end up like that if I let my addiction and moodiness get out of control? Is Lochrane a cautionary tale? (pause) I’m sorry, Jacobs, but I can’t let this one go.
SFX BILLINGS GETS UP. QUICKLY GETS DRESSED AND LEAVES THE ROOM
SFX BILLINGS WALKS DOWN THE STREET, UP THE FRONT PORCH AND RINGS THE BELL.
SFX HOUSEKEEPER OPENS THE FRONT DOOR
179.HYNGE (rudely) Yes?
180.BILLINGS My name is Detective Sergeant John Billings from the Metropolitan Police. I’d like to speak to Lady Palmer.
181.HYNGE Lady Palmer is not receiving visitors.
182.BILLINGS I’m afraid I must insist.
183.HYNGE Insist what you like, sonny, but I am under strict instructions not to disturb her!
184.BILLINGS (more forcefully) I’m Detective Sergeant Billings. From the Metropolitan Police. I need to speak to Lady Palmer about the investigation into her husband’s death.
185.HYNGE Yes, I heard you the first time. And as I understand it, Lady Palmer has already spoken to the police. Several times, in fact. I am sure Lady Palmer cannot possibly have anything more to say.
SFX HOUSEKEEPER CLOSES THE DOOR BUT BILLINGS BLOCKS IT WITH HIS FOOT.
186.BILLINGS I don’t really need your permission to enter, miss… um…
187.HYNGE Don’t you ‘miss’ me, mister! My name is Hynge. Mrs Hynge. And I will not let you in without a search warrant.
188.BILLINGS (sighs) I do not need a search warrant, Mrs Hynge. I only want to speak to Lady Palmer. She is legally obliged to cooperate. If you will not fetch her for me, I shall go in and fetch her myself.
189.HYNGE (irritated) Oh, very well. I shall fetch Mr Etherbridge for you, but that’s all I can do. It’s more than my job’s worth to disturb her ladyship! You wait in the hallway.
SFX BILLINGS ENTERS. HOUSEKEEPER CLOSES THE DOOR AND MARCHES OFF ANGRILY.
SFX GRANDFATHER CLOCK TICKS QUIETLY AS BILLINGS WAIT.
SFX ETHERBRIDGE ENTERS FROM THE DRAWING ROOM.
190.ETHERBRIDGE Ah, it’s you! You’re the chap who led us into the dungeons.
191.BILLINGS I am sorry to bother you again, Mr Etherbridge, but I would like to speak to Lady Palmer.
192.ETHERBRIDGE Have you come to apologise?
193.BILLINGS Apologise?
194.ETHERBRIDGE For the ordeal you put her through last time.
195.BILLINGS No, I have not. I have come to ask her some more questions.
196.ETHERBRIDGE Questions? Oh dear, oh dear. That will be troublesome. Lady Palmer is awfully tired of answering questions. Perhaps if you tell her you’ve come to apologise. She might let you in then.
197.BILLINGS She will have to let me in whether she wants to or not, Mr Etherbridge. I represent the law.
198.ETHERBRIDGE Yes, yes, of course, my dear chap. But you do want Lady Palmer to cooperate, don’t you? If you barge in against her will, she will simply clam up. I know how to handle her, Mr Billings. Say you’ve come to apologise, then slip your questions into the conversation afterwards. Trust me. That’s the way to get results.
199.BILLINGS (hesitantly) Very well. Tell Lady Palmer that I’ve come to apologise.
200.ETHERBRIDGE Good man! Wait here.
SFX ETHERBRIDGE GOES INTO THE DRAWING ROOM
SFX ETHERBRIDGE RE-APPEARS
201.ETHERBRIDGE Lady Palmer will see you now, Mr Billings.
SFX BILLINGS STEPS INTO THE ROOM.
202.LADY PALMER Mr Billings. So you’ve come to apologise, have you?
203.BILLINGS (reluctantly) I have.
204.LADY PALMER Well, I have already received a written apology from your boss. A second apology seems entirely superfluous and a complete waste of time. I hope the Metropolitan Police has better things to do with its time than to go around apologising to people!
205.ETHERBRIDGE (laughs awkwardly) Won’t you sit down, Mr Billings. Tell us about your investigation?
206.LADY PALMER Investigation? What is there to investigate? I though the vulgar man had been caught. When will he be hanged, that’s what I want to know.
207.ETHERBRIDGE He won’t be hanged until he is found guilty by the court, mother. And that won’t happen until the police have assembled sufficient facts to prove his guilt. Mr Billings is currently in the process of assembling these facts, isn’t that right, Mr Billings?
208.BILLINGS That is right.
209.ETHERBRIDGE Perhaps, mother, we may be able to assist Mr Billings. I believe Mr Billings has some more questions he wishes to ask you.
210.LADY PALMER Do you have more questions you want to ask me, Mr Billings?
211.BILLINGS I do, Lady Palmer. I wish to ask you about a certain Mr Percy.
212.LADY PALMER Clement Percy? What has he to do with anything?
213.BILLINGS I believe he was staying at the house the night before Lord Palmer was killed.
214.LADY PALMER And what if he was? It is not forbidden, is it? To entertain Mr Percy?
215.BILLINGS Who precisely is Mr Percy?
216.ETHERBRIDGE Mr Percy is a scholar, isn’t that right, mother? He’s an expert on asceticism.
217.LADY PALMER Mr Percy is a very nice and charming young man. Why are you inquiring about him?
218.BILLINGS We need to establish the movements of everyone who was in the house around the time of Lord Palmer’s death. We have yours, we have the servants’, but the Berkshire CID’s report makes no mention of Mr Percy.
219.LADY PALMER And why should Mr Percy be mentioned? You can’t possibly believe he has anything to do with this ghastly business?
220.ETHERBRIDGE Mother, the police need to prove that it wasn’t him. They need to prove that nobody other than the vulgar man could have killed Lord Palmer. That is why he is inquiring about Mr Percy. Isn’t that right, Mr Billings?
221.BILLINGS That is right.
222.LADY PALMER Well, you can take my word for it, Mr Billings. Mr Percy is a deeply religious and highly moralistic man. He cannot possibly be connected with my husband’s death.
223.BILLINGS What was Lord Palmer’s connection to Mr Percy?
224.ETHERBRIDGE Mr Percy came to Sutton House to look at the hermit. That’s where he met Lord Palmer. They struck up a conversation and Lord Palmer became fascinated by Mr Percy’s knowledge of ascetics. He invited him back to the house several times so that he could teach him more about the history of asceticism.
225.LADY PALMER He was a very knowledgeable young man. And he told us such fascinating stories. What is the name of that man, Arthur, who sat on a pillar for thirty-seven years?
226.ETHERBRIDGE Simeon Stylites.
227.LADY PALMER (delighted) Ha! Yes, that’s the one! Simeon Stylites. Can you imagine it, Mr Billings? At the time of the Romans, this man climbed up a tall pillar, built a small platform on it and remained there for thirty-seven years. Thirty-seven years! Can you believe it? He never came down. Parcels of food were winched up to him daily. And he was visited every day by dozens of pilgrims and spectators. Isn’t that wonderful? Such idiotic things people do in the name of religion!
228.ETHERBRIDGE Mr Percy wanted to write a book about the history of ascetics and was looking for a patron. Lord Palmer and Mr Percy discussed a possible patronage for a while, but the relationship soured over a disagreement about Lochrane.
229.BILLINGS What kind of disagreement?
228.LADY PALMER Mr Percy agreed with me that Lochrane was a vulgar man.
230.ETHERBRIDGE Mr Percy considered the whole custom of employing an ornamental hermit to be vulgar and farcical. He said that offering a financial reward for someone to complete a year of seclusion was entirely contrary to the idea of monasticism and that Lord Palmer’s experiment was nothing more than a freak show. Lord Palmer took great offence to that.
231.LADY PALMER The pompous old fool!
232.ETHERBRIDGE He sent Mr Percy away there and then. And that was the last you ever saw of him, isn’t it, Mother?
233.LADY PALMER Oh, it was terrible, Mr Billings. They were shouting at each other. Mr Percy accused my husband of wasting his time, of leading him on, of taking advantage of his vast knowledge with false promises of a patronage. He was so very angry, Mr Billings.
234.BILLINGS Where did he go to?
235.ETHERBRIDGE Well, back to his home I assume.
236.BILLINGS Where is his home?
237.LADY PALMER (amused) Percy Street in St Clement’s. Isn’t that funny? Clement Percy lived in Percy Street in St Clement’s. He told us that he was looking for rooms in Oxford and when he stumbled upon that address he decided to stay.
238.ETHERBRIDGE He said it was providence.
239.LADY PALMER Isn’t that amusing, Mr Billings?
240.BILLINGS (internal) Percy Street in St Clement’s? Coincidence? Seems to me Clement Percy was using his address as a pseudonym. (to Lady Palmer) Where had Mr Percy acquired all his knowledge about asceticism?
241.ETHERBRIDGE He studied divinities in Oxford. That is to say, he started studying divinities, but stopped after an argument with his parents from whom he became estranged. He was largely self-taught after that.
242.BILLINGS Do you know where he studied?
243.ETHERBRIDGE I’m afraid I don’t. (to Lady Palmer) Do you, Mother?
244.LADY PALMER No.
245.BILLINGS Could it have been Tatum Hall?
246.LADY PALMER I really don’t know.
SFX BILLINGS IS WALKING DOWN THE TRAIN CARRIAGE AND OPENS THE COMPARTMENT DOOR
247.BILLINGS Is this the 9:52 to Oxford?
248.PASSENGER Yes, it is.
249.BILLINGS Thank you.
SFX BILLINGS SITS DOWN
250.BILLINGS (internal) It’s a long shot, but I have nothing else to do today and the coincidence I stumbled upon is too significant to ignore. I never heard of asceticism until I started reading Sebastian’s diary. What are the chances of encountering two young men with the same fascination? Could Clement Percy and Sebastian Forrester be one and the same? And if so, is Sebastian somehow connected with Lord Palmer’s death? It seems unlikely, and yet…
SFX WHISTLE BLOWS AND THE STEAM TRAIN STARTS ROLLING
SFX BILLINGS WALKS DOWN THE STREET. HE BUMPS INTO SOMEONE.
251.BILLINGS Oh, I beg your pardon.
252.ROOK No worries, my mistake.
253.BILLINGS (surprised) Oh, it’s you. Mr Rook, isn’t it? From The Illustrated Police News?
254.ROOK Ah, Mr Billings. I didn’t recognise you.
255.BILLINGS What are you doing in Oxford?
256.ROOK I might ask you the same question.
257.BILLINGS It’s my day off. I’m here on a private matter.
258.ROOK Well, if it’s a private matter, I’d better keep me nose out, hand’t I?
259.BILLINGS Is that a photo camera you’re carrying?
260.ROOK And a bloody heavy one it is too!
261.BILLINGS Are you publishing photos now in your newspaper? I though it was just illustrations.
262.ROOK Nah, this is for something else. I also have my private business.
263.BILLINGS I see. Well, have a good day, Mr Rook.
264.ROOK And a good day to you too, Mr Billings.
SFX THE TWO MEN WALK ON IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.
265.BILLINGS (thinking as he walks) Was he following me or am I being paranoid? (sighs) I need to get a grip on myself!
SFX BILLINGS WALKS ON AND STOPS AT A HOUSE. HE KNOCKS ON A DOOR.
SFX MRS WARBURTON OPENS THE DOOR
266.WARBURTON Yes?
267.BILLINGS I’m looking for Mr Percy.
268.WARBURTON (suspicious) Mr Percy? Who told you Mr Percy lives here?
269.BILLINGS I asked around. One of the neighbours said…
270.WARBURTON What do you want from him?
271.BILLINGS My name is Detective Sergeant John Billings from the Metropolitan Police. I need to speak to him about a case.
272.WARBURTON Metropolitan Police, eh? It’s about time you fellas got involved.
273.BILLINGS Involved? What do you mean?
274.WARBURTON I don’t know how many times I’ve spoken to the Oxford Police. Each time they’ve given me the same reply. ‘This is not a police matter, Mrs Warburton,’ they keep saying, ‘Mr Percy is a grown man and England is a free country. He has the right to disappear.’ ‘But not when he still owes me a crown in rent!’ I keep telling them. Anyway, I see they’ve finally passed the case on to Scotland Yard.
275.BILLINGS Um… yes. That’s right, Mrs Warburton. That’s what I’m here for. May I come in and ask you some questions?
276.WARBURTON I can show you his room if you like. Follow me.
SFX BILLINGS ENTERS AND FOLLOWS MRS WARBURTON ONTO THE HOUSE.
277.WARBURTON All his belongings are still in his room. I changed the lock, of course. I won’t have him slip into the house in the middle of the night and retrieve his belongings while I am still asleep. Oh no, I’ve learned my lesson the hard way. These impoverished scholars will stop at nothing to avoid paying their bills. He can have his belongings after he’s paid me. This is his room, Mr Billings.
SFX WARBURTON OPENS THE ROOM DOOR
278.BILLINGS May I go in?
279.WARBURTON Do what you like.
SFX BILLINGS ENTERS AND PACES ABOUT.
280.BILLINGS He has a lot of books, hasn’t he?
281.WARBURTON Oh yes. He had enough money for books. But rent? Forget about it!
SFX BILLINGS PICKS UP A BOOK
282.BILLINGS ‘Sayings of The Desert Fathers’. I’ve come across this book before. When did Mr Percy disappear?
283.WARBUTRTON I last saw him on the 21st of October. That’s one day before the rent was due. He rushed into his room, after having been away for a week, and started throwing some clothes into a bag. He was about to leave again when I grabbed him by the arm and reminded him about the rent. He had a habit of paying late. ‘Yes, yes,’ he kept saying as he pulled himself away. Well, ‘yes, yes’ turned out to be ‘no, no’, coz I ain’t seen him since, the sly little fox!
284.BILLINGS How long has he been boarding with you?
285.WARBURTON Sixteen months.
286.BILLINGS Is Clement Percy his real name?
287.WARBURTON What do you mean?
288.BILLINGS He lives on Percy Street in St Clement’s. Don’t you think that’s rather a coincidence?
289.WARBURTON I never thought of that. ’Ere, he’s not a wanted criminal, is he? I knew there was something shifty about that man.
290.BILLINGS What do you know about Mr Percy?
291.WARBURTON Very little.
292.BILLINGS Did he ever receive any mail?
293.WARBURTON Never.
294.BILLINGS Did he have any friends come to visit? Or family?
295.WARBURTON No one. And he didn’t talk much, either. He were a queer fellow, Mr Billings. He’d go out at the strangest hours and not come back for several days. Then he’d lock himself up in his room and stay in there for days. I don’t even think he ate anything. Well, I hope not, anyway. Lodgers aren’t allowed food in the room. We’ve got a dining room for that. On account of vermin, you see?
296.BILLINGS So Mr Percy had a habit of disappearing?
297.WARBURTON He did, Mr Billings, but he never disappeared when the rent was due before. Well, I’ll tell you something, Mr Billings. When you do find him and after he has paid me that crown he owes me, I’ll kick him out, so I will! I won’t have such queer fellows in my house. No, sir! Not anymore! Enough is enough.
SFX THE TRAIN ROLLS BACK TO LONDON
298.BILLINGS (internal) So that’s what the towers and spires of Oxford look like. (beat) I wonder what I would have studied if I’d been given the opportunity? What career would I have pursued if I hadn’t been forced to leave the Foresters’ oppressive home? (pause) I’ll be arriving in Paddington soon. There’s a certain shop close to the station. I wonder if I should pop by for a visit. I mean, I shouldn’t. I promised I never would again. (beat) But maybe a quick visit, just to see if they have anything new. (beat) No! A promise is a promise. I said I’d never set foot there again. I’ll go straight home and avoid that shop like the plague!
SFX BELL AS DOOR OPENS AND BILLINGS ENTERS
299.AL BULL Ah, Doctor Smith. How are you? So nice to see you again.
300.BILLINGS (nervous) I am very well, thank you.
301.AL BULL I thought it was you. I kept seeing you walk past the window, like you were hesitating about entering.
302.BILLINGS Hesitating? No, no, I wasn’t hesitating. I just came back from Oxford and remembered there was a shop across from the station where, I… um…
303.AL BULL What we sell here is all perfectly legal, Doctor Smith.
304.BILLINGS I know it is.
305.AL BULL You are perfectly safe here.
306.BILLINGS I know I am. (hastily changing the subject) I received your letter a few weeks ago. I believe you have a new series in.
307.AL BULL I do indeed, I do indeed. I have it right here.
SFX PICKS UP AN ENVELOPE FROM BENATH THE COUNTER. HE TAKES SOME PHOTOS OUT OF THE ENVELOPE AND LAYS THEM DOWN ON THE COUNTER.
308.AL BULL These are photographs of young men practising sports in a forest meadow. They’re from a German sports camp. They have the young men exercise in the nude, in keeping with the custom of the Greek Olympics. You see, here is a discus thrower. And here are two men wrestling by a river.
309.BILLINGS (hurried and embarrassed) These will do. Thank you. You can put them back in the envelope.
310.AL BULL I thought they would. (puts the photos back in the envelope) (knowing full well that Billings is NOT a professor of anatomy) How are the anatomical classes going, Doctor Smith?
311.BILLINGS Very well, thank you.
312.AL BULL I’m sure these photographs will be of great benefit to your students.
313.BILLINGS I’m sure they will. How much are they, please?
314.AL BULL I also have a series of photographs from the South Seas. Sailors frolicking naked in the ocean. Would that perhaps be of interest to your anatomy students?
315.BILLINGS No, thank you. Just these will do. How much do I owe you?
316.AL BULL Is it just muscle structures your students are interested in? Or would they like more detailed pictures of the male physique? (leans in and whispers) Because if so, I have some pictures in the back room which might interest you.
317.BILLINGS No, thank you. I’m in a hurry. Please tell me how much I owe you.
318.AL BULL Oh, it won’t take long, Doctor Smith. My assistant Charlie will gladly show you. You haven’t met Charlie yet, have you? He is a very pleasant young man. I am sure you’ll like him (calling) Charlie!
SFX CURTAINS TO THE BACK ROOM OPEN AND CHARLIE ENTERS
319.AL BULL Charlie, this is Doctor Smith. Doctor Smith is an expert in anatomy. Doctor Smith, this is Charlie (leaning in and whispering) who, as you can see, has a very lovely anatomy. (laughs) Go on, Doctor Smith. Let Charlie show you what he’s got. It won’t take long, but I’m sure it’ll be to your satisfaction. Ain’t that right, Charlie?
320.CHARLIE That’s right, Mr Bull. (to Billings) Follow me, Doctor Smith.
SFX BILLINGS FOLLOWS CHARLIE THROUGH THE CURTAINS TO THE BACKROOM.
321.CHARLIE Well then, Doctor Smith. What do you want to do?
322.BILLINGS (nervous) Do? I thought you were going to show me some more pictures?
323.CHARLIE Pictures? (laughs) What you wanna see pictures for, if you can have the real thing? It’s a bob for a rub, a shilling and sixpence for a bagpipe, and a half crown if you want the full story. But we’d have to do that somewhere more discreet. Mr Bull has a room with a bed available upstairs which you can rent for a shilling. So what will it be, then?
324.BILLINGS I… um…
325.CHARLIE You’re in a hurry, ain’t ya? So I’ll give you a bagpipe. It won’t take long. You got the money on ya?
326.BILLINGS Um…
327.CHARLIE You can pay Mr Bull on your way out. Now, come and stand by the light. (Charlie takes a few steps towards the gaslight) Well, come on then.
328.BILLINGS I… um… I think I’d rather look at the pictures.
329.CHARLIE Will you stop going on about the pictures. Can’t you see I’m offering you the real thing? Now come here.
SFX BILLINGS APPROACHES HIM RELUCTANTLY.
SFX CHARLIE STARTS CARESSING AND KISSING BILLINGS ON THE FACE; DOWN THE NECK AND DOWN HIS TORSO.
SFX THE BANG OF A FLASH LIGHT
330.BILLINGS (shocked) What was that?
331.CHARLIE What?
332.BILLINGS There was a flash of light!
333.CHARLIE I didn’t see nothing.
334.BILLINGS There was a light outside the window!
SFX BILLINGS RUSHES TOWARDS THE WINDOW AND OPENS ONE
335.CHARLIE It was probably lightning.
336.BILLINGS It’s not raining.
337.CHARLIE Dry lightning, Doctor Smith. Nothing to worry about. Now, come over here and let me finish giving you your bagpipe. I ain’t even started yet.
338.BILLINGS I had better go.
339.CHARLIE Ain’t you gonna let me finish?
340.BILLINGS I’m sorry. I have to go.
341.CHARLIE You’re still gonna pay, me ain’t ya?
342.BILLINGS (digging in his pockets) I have two shillings.
343.CHARLIE You gotta pay Mr Bull at the counter.
344.BILLINGS You take them off me.
345.CHARLIE (hesitant) I don’t know, Doctor Smith. I ain’t supposed to. You gotta pay Mr Bull at the counter.
346.BILLINGS Don’t worry. I’ll tell Mr Bull I changed my mind. Here, take the coins.
SFX HE HANDS THE COINS TO CHARLIE AND WALKS OUT OF THE BACKROOM.
347.AL BULL Finished already?
348.BILLINGS I have to go. I’m sorry.
SFX BILLINGS RUSHES TOWARDS THE DOOR AND OPENS IT. BELL RINGS AS HE DOES SO.
349.AL BULL Doctor Smith, you forgot you photographs?
350.BILLINGS What? Oh, how much do I owe you.
351.AL BULL Seven and sixpence.
SFX BILLINGS WALKS TO THE COUNTER, PLACES SOME MONEY ON IT AND TAKES THE ENVELOPE.
352.BILLINGS Thank you.
353.AL BULL No. Thank you.
SFX BILLINGS RUSHES OUT AND BUMPS INTO SOMEONE AGAIN.
354.BILLINGS Oh, I do beg your pardon. (looking up) You again!
355.ROOK What a coincidence! You should watch where you’re going, Mr Billings. You nearly made me drop me camera equipment. ‘Ere, you’re not shadowing me, are ya?
356.BILLINGS I was about to ask you the same question?
357.ROOK Why would I shadow you? Have you been doing something you shouldn’t have?
358.BILLINGS I expect it’s just a coincidence, then. We must’ve taken the same train back from Oxford. The station is just opposite.
359.ROOK I expect that must be the case.
360.BILLINGS Well, good day to you then, Mr Rook.
361.ROOK Good day to you, Mr Billings.
