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The year is 1890. Detective Sergeant John Billings is an honest and hard working man who has risen swiftly through the ranks to become one of Scotland Yard's youngest detectives. But in his private life he struggles with the demons of loneliness and morphine addiction.
While Scotland Yard is in the midst of foiling a Russian counterfeiting operation, Billings is asked to investigate the cold blooded murder of Lord Palmer. The main suspect is a rough looking vagrant called Brendan Lochrane who was employed by Lord Palmer to live as an 'ornamental hermit' in a grotto in his estate. When Billings visits Lochrane in his holding cell, he is moved by the look in the man's eyes. This is not the 'Wild Man' the press have made him out to be. Lochrane is mute, docile and unresponsive. A gut feeling leads Billings to suspect that the man is being framed. But who is framing him? And why?
Billings travels the length and breadth of Britain investigating the case. As he pieces together the fragments of Lochrane's extraordinary life, he slowly finds himself becoming embroiled in a web of corruption and deceit which goes right to the heart of Scotland Yard.
'The Ornamental Hermit' is a thrilling mystery which leads the listener on a colourful journey into Victorian England.
CAST
Luke Mulloy as Jeremiah Rook
David Ault as Billings
Bob Lawrence as Clarkson
Anthony Hewson as Jacobs
Sarah Bowers as Lady Palmer/Jack/Janie
Ivan Wilkinson as Arthur Etherbridge
Matt Sykes as Sebastian
Aubrey Parsons as Mr Crickshaw
NEW EPISODE EVERY SUNDAY
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The Ornamental Hermit - A D.S.Billings Mystery
EPISODE TWO: THE VULGAR MAN
SFX: STREET NOISES. CARRIAGES, HORSES, ETC
SFX BILLINGS WALKING TO WORK
1.ROOK Ah, Detective Sergeant Billings. So it’s you, is it?
SFX FOOTSTEPS STOP
2.BILLINGS Pardon?
3.ROOK So it’s you who’s been put in charge of the of the Lord Palmer case?
4.BILLINGS Do I know you?
5.ROOK Jeremiah Rook, from The Illustrated Police News. How do you do. So he’s been caught then, has he?
6.BILLINGS A man matching Brendan Lochrane’s description was picked up yesterday in Battersea Park, if that’s what you’re referring to, but his identity has not yet been confirmed. Have a good day.
SFX BILLINGS CONTINUES WALKING
7.ROOK (following him) Did he have a tongue?
SFX BILLINGS STOPS AGAIN
8.BILLINGS I’m sorry?
9.ROOK The man you caught yesterday? Did he have a tongue?
10.BILLINGS No, he didn’t.
11.ROOK Well, then it’s him, isn’t it? The Wild Man of Sutton Courtenay.
12.BILLINGS We don’t know that for certain yet.
13.ROOK You got a lot of suspects without a tongue in there, have you?
14.BILLINGS No.
15.ROOK So it’s him. The evil axe murderer! The depraved cur! The vile beast!
16.BILLINGS (with disapproval) Those descriptions are a little sensationalistic, don’t you think?
17.ROOK So what does he look like, the Wild Man?
18.BILLINGS You know what he looks like. It’s been in the papers.
19.ROOK Have you got him chained up to the wall?
20.BILLINGS What? No, he’s not chained up.
21.ROOK Isn’t he roaring and raging and rattling his cage?
22.BILLINGS No.
23.ROOK (tongue in cheek) Not foaming at the mouth, then?
24.BILLINGS No.
25.ROOK I hear he was found hiding in the bushes.
26.BILLINGS That is correct.
27.ROOK Digging his teeth into a little dead dog.
28.BILLINGS (disapproving) What paper did you say you work for? The Penny Dreadful?
29.ROOK (laughing) It was a joke, Billings. You can take a joke, can’t you? Or have I offended thy delicate ears?
30.BILLINGS (confused) Why are you speaking like that?
31.ROOK Well, that is how ye speak, isn’t it? Thou and all thy friends?
32.BILLINGS (not amused) Quakers don’t use those old-fashioned pronouns anymore.
33.ROOK Well, come on Billings! Give us some details! What was he doing in his cell when you found him?
34.BILLINGS He wasn’t doing anything. The man I saw yesterday was meek, tired and docile. He was confused and scared and…
35.ROOK (interrupting) Aha!
36.BILLINGS (confused) What?
37.ROOK Sympathy! You felt sympathy for him, didn’t you?
38.BILLINGS Yes, I did feel some pity for…
39.ROOK Your father was Gideon Billings, was he not? A devout Quaker missionary who died in Madagascar in 1877.
40.BILLINGS How do you know that?
41.ROOK And you were brought up as the ward of Frederick Forester, chairman of the Friends Foreign Mission Association and friend and follower of Joseph John Gurney, brother of Mrs Elizabeth Fry, the famous prison reformer.
42.BILLINGS I don’t see how any of that is relevant to...
43.ROOK Oh, but it is relevant, Sergeant. It’s very relevant.
44.BILLINGS (sighs) Mr Rook, the investigation has only just commenced. The suspect’s identity has not yet been established, let alone his guilt, and...
45.ROOK Let me tell you what the problem is, Sergeant.
46.BILLINGS There is no problem.
47.ROOK The problem is you.
48.BILLINGS Me?
49.ROOK You’re a Quaker. You see God in everyone. And in my opinion there should be no room in the police service for bleeding heart sentimentalists like yourself! Because people like these, Sergeant, people like the Wild Man of Sutton Courtenay are not human beings! They’re monsters and need to be treated as such! It’s my job as a reporter to scrutinize our police detectives and make sure they do their jobs right. You’ve already made a pig’s ear of the Whitechapel Ripper case, which is a disgrace, so I’m here to make sure that, unlike the Ripper, the Wild Man of Sutton Courtenay does get his just desserts! So imagine my concern, Detective Sergeant Billings, at hearing just now that you’ve taken pity on that monster!
50.BILLINGS (thinking) Damn it, he trapped me! That blooming rascal has trapped me!
51.BILLINGS I have nothing more to say to you, Mr Rook. Have a good day.
SFX BILLINGS RUSHES OFF.
SFX DOOR OPENS AND BILLINGS ENTERS.
52.CLARKSON Morning, Billings.
53.BILLINGS (in a bad mood, still riled by his confrontation with Rook) What the heck are you reading?
54.CLARKSON What, this? (crumples the newspaper) It’s the Illustrated Police News.
55.BILLINGS That’s a terrible newspaper! Throw it in the bin and read a proper newspaper!
56.CLARKSON I’m not really reading it. I mostly look at the pictures. (beat) Oh, Jacobs wants to see you. Probably wants to brief you about the Lord Palmer case. How’s that going, by the way?
57.BILLINGS (sighs) I wish I’d never taken that bloody case on!
SFX BILLINGS EXITS.
SFX KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
58.BILLINGS You wanted to see me, sir?
59.JACOBS Ah Billings, yes. Sit down, sit down.
SFX BILLINGS SITS DOWN
60.JACOBS So…
SFX JACOBS GRABS THE FILE FROM A PILE OF PAPERS ON HIS DESK
61.JACOBS The Wild Man of Sutton Courtenay. I believe you talked to this... um... (looks through the file) Brendan Lochrane.
62.BILLINGS Well, I went to see him in his cell on Friday, but I didn’t speak with him. He doesn’t talk. He has no tongue.
63.JACOBS So I’ve read. I thought Clarkson was on duty last Friday?
64.BILLINGS We swapped shifts. He was tired.
65.JACOBS Oh yes, that’s right. The Russian counterfeiters. Well, as if we didn’t already have enough on our plates, our superintendent has now also handed us this. (slams his hand on the file) The murder of Lord Palmer. So what are your thoughts?
66.BILLINGS Thoughts, sir?
67.JACOBS Well, come, come. You saw that man on Friday. What is the next move?
68.BILLINGS Well, I suppose the first thing we must do is obtain a positive identification of the suspect.
69.JACOBS I thought he matched the description in the Police Gazette perfectly.
70.BILLINGS Not quite, sir. The Berkshire Constabulary described him as being around six foot three. The suspect I saw is considerably shorter.
71.JACOBS So you want somebody to identify him in person?
72.BILLINGS I think that would be best.
73.JACOBS Like who?
74.BILLINGS Well, I thought perhaps Lord Palmer’s wife?
75.JACOBS Ah yes, Lady Palmer. Well, the thing is, Billings, Lady Palmer has made it quite clear to the Superintendent that she does not wish to set eyes on that vulgar man again. ‘Vulgar man’ were her words.
76.BILLINGS But surely, if she’s a witness in a murder investigation...
77.JACOBS I don’t much like aristocrats. Do you?
78.BILLINGS What?
79.JACOBS Like aristocrats?
80.BILLINGS I can’t say I’ve ever met any.
81.JACOBS They’re decadent. They’re like children who’ve never grown up.
82.BILLINGS I wouldn’t know anything about it, sir.
83.JACOBS Well, take it from me, Billings. People who’ve never known money problems become decadent and spoilt. But crimes involving aristocrats are always passed on to the Yard, because these are people with influence and connections. We must always treat them with delicacy. After all, they run the country, and the very existence of the CID lies in their hands. We’re still on shaky ground, Billings, after the whole Turf Fraud Scandal. Not to mention the lack of progress we’re making on the Whitechapel Ripper case. If Lady Palmer says she doesn’t wish to set eyes on that vulgar man again, then we must take that seriously. Perhaps we could show her a photograph instead.
84.BILLINGS It is hard to tell a man’s size from a photograph. It is the suspect’s size that is disputed here.
85.JACOBS We could have him photographed next to you. How tall are you, Billings?
86.BILLINGS With all due respect sir, a ruffled, bearded tramp will look very much like any other in a photograph.
87.JACOBS Not without a tongue, he doesn’t.
88.BILLINGS Isn’t it possible, sir, that there are other beggars out there without a tongue?
89.JACOBS Possible, Billings, but not very plausible.
90.BILLINGS But possible, though?
short pause.
91.JACOBS Oh, I suppose you’re right, Billings. It looks like we shall have to inconvenience her ladyship after all. (beat) Lady Palmer is currently staying with her daughter in London. We could send someone to pick her up. But I warn you, Billings, we must tread carefully here.
92.BILLINGS I shall be respectful with her, sir, as I always am with everyone.
SFX DOOR SWINGS OPEN AND LADY PALMER AND MR ETHERBRIGDE RUSH IN ANGRILY.
93.LADY PALMER Never in all my days... well, are you Detective Sergeant Billings?
94.BILLINGS (taken aback by the sudden entrance) Ah, Lady Palmer. I am so sorry about you husband’s death.
95.LADY PALMER Why are you sorry? Did you do it?
96.BILLINGS No, I only meant...
97.LADY PALMER I know what you meant! And I didn’t come here for your sympathy or your condolences! Now, will you please tell me why I was whisked down the stairs by one of your officers and shoved into a cab!
98.ETHERBRIDGE (amused by his mother-in-law’s tantrum) Mother, you were neither whisked nor shoved.
99.BILLINGS Lady Palmer, please, will you sit down.
SFX LADY PALMER SITS DOWN.
100.LADY PALMER You could at least offer me a cup of tea!
101.BILLINGS Of course. Um... (calling) Jack! (beat) Where is that boy? (calling) Jack!
SFX DOOR OPENS AND JACK POPS IN HIS HEAD
102.JACK Sir?
103.BILLINGS A pot of tea for Lady Palmer and uh…
104.ETHERBRIDGE Etherbridge. Arthur Etherbridge. I’m married to Lady Palmer’s daughter.
105.JACK Yes, sir.
SFX DOOR CLOSES
106.BILLINGS Well, Lady Palmer. The reason we asked you to come over, is because we have some questions for you.
107.LADY PALMER Questions! Questions! You do nothing but ask questions! I know nothing about that vulgar man! I just want to know when he will be hanged!
108.BILLINGS Well, we haven’t quite established whether the man we arrested last Saturday really is Brendan Lochrane. Or that he is the man who attacked Lord Palmer. Now, you said Brendan Lochrane was in the employ of your husband.
109.LADY PALMER I said no such thing!
110.BILLINGS Didn’t you? I thought... (flicking through the file) Oh, it was a certain Mr Green. Mr Green told the Berkshire Constabulary...
111.ETHERBRIDGE (amused) Green is the gardener, Mr Billings! You had better not start mistaking Lady Palmer for the gardener!
112.BILLINGS (not amused) In what capacity was Brendan Lochrane employed?
113.LADY PALMER Capacity?
114.BILLINGS What did he do?
115.LADY PALMER Nothing! He did absolutely nothing!
116.BILLINGS Well... then why did Lord Palmer pay him?
117.ETHERBRIDGE Brendan Lochrane was what Lord Palmer called an ornamental hermit. It was all the fashion a hundred years ago. The idea was to employ someone who would live in the grotto which one of Lord Palmer’s ancestors had built on the estate.
118.BILLINGS A grotto?
119.ETHERBRIDGE A grotto, yes. They constructed it in the woods behind the rock garden. Next to the folly of the old Norman wall which was built around the same time.
120.BILLINGS And what was this ornamental hermit supposed to do?
121.ETHERBRIDGE Well, he was to do what all hermits do. Fast and pray and atone for our sins. He was supposed to be a spiritual presence on the estate. He was to wear a long white robe, grow his hair and his beard and live on meagre rations of bread, water and soup. He was to add a beautiful aesthetic to the environment. After all, nothing can give more delight to the eye than the spectacle of an aged person with a long grey beard doddering about amongst the discomforts and pleasures of nature. It’s a common practice in India. Fakirs and holy men and such. They’re held in very high esteem over there.
122.LADY PALMER Well, it’s all very fine and well in India, but we’re in England! And in England we wear clothes! In England we wash! In England we work for the people on whose land we are permitted to live! I think it’s obscene. I haven’t set foot in our garden since he moved in. And we have such a lovely garden, Detective Sergeant.
123.ETHERBRIDGE I think, however, that Lord Palmer might have been a bit more discriminating in his choice of hermit. The hermit was supposed to exhibit wisdom and have an air of sagacity about him. Brendan Lochrane was just far too grumpy and malodorous for that.
124.BILLINGS Why do you think Lord Palmer was attacked by this man?
125.LADY PALMER Why? Well, because he is mad, that’s why! He’s a lunatic! A raving lunatic!
126.BILLINGS Could there perhaps have been a dispute? Over payment maybe? How much was he paid?
127.LADY PALMER I do not know how much he was paid. I did not get involved in my husband’s ridiculous eccentricities. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with that vulgar man. I told Lord Palmer not to allow that filthy person onto our grounds. And now he’s dead. Well, he got what he asked for, as far as I’m concerned.
128.ETHERBRIDGE You should ask Green about his wages. Green dealt with that sort of thing.
129.BILLINGS The gardener?
130.ETHERBRIDGE He lived in the garden. He fell under the charge of the gardener.
131.BILLINGS Would you recognize him if you saw him again?
132.LADY PALMER Of course I would. How couldn’t I? He is the most revolting piece of humanity you could ever dread to meet.
133.BILLINGS Lady Palmer, we would like you to go down to the holding cells and identify the suspect.
134.LADY PALMER You want me to do what? Absolutely not!
135.BILLINGS I assure you, you shall be perfectly safe. The suspect is behind bars and I shall be with you. At all times.
137.LADY PALMER May I remind you, Detective Sergeant Billings, who is the victim here and who is the criminal.
138.BILLINGS We have no criminal yet, Lady Palmer. Not until he is positively identified by you and found guilty by the courts. (beat) Don’t worry, Lady Palmer. You shall be in safe hands.
SFX DUNGEON SOUNDS. WATER TRICKLING DOWN THE WALLS.
SFX BILLINGS LEADS HIS VISITORS DOWN THE STAIRS.
139.LADY PALMER (scared) Why are you leading me into these dungeons, Sergeant Billings!
140.BILLINGS This is where we have our cells, Lady Palmer.
141.LADY PALMER It’s dark in here! Arthur! Where are you, Arthur!
142.ETHERBRIDGE I’m here, mother. Hold my hand.
143.LADY PALMER Where are you taking us, Sergeant? I do not like it here!
144.BILLINGS It’s just at the end of the hall.
145.LADY PALMER I can’t breathe! Arthur, I can’t breathe! There’s no air!
146.BILLINGS Please, Lady Palmer. It’s that cell over there.
147.LADY PALMER There’s somebody in there!
148.BILLINGS That’s the man we’re asking you to identify.
149.LADY PALMER No! I will not do it! I will not take one more step into the dungeon! Get me out of here!
150.BILLINGS Please, Lady Palmer. Just have one look at that man so you can tell us...
151.LADY PALMER (panicking) No! I want to get out! I want to get out now! Arthur! Get me out of here! Arthur!
152.ETHERBRIDGE It’s all right, mother. I’ll take you out. (to Billings) I’m sorry, Detective Sergeant, but you cannot inflict this on Lady Palmer. (to Lady Palmer) Come on, mother.
153.LADY PALMER Never in my life have I been treated with such contempt! How dare you subject me to such horrors and indignity! I am the victim in all this, don’t you know? I came to the police expecting kindness and compassion, and instead I was left in the hands of a lowly upstart who took me down to the dungeons to face the very man who murdered my husband and tormented my life. It was tactless and cruel and a deliberate attempt to humiliate me. I have a good mind to write to the Viscount Llandaff, who is a personal acquaintance of mine, and have both you and Chief Inspector Jacobs sacked! (beat) Come on, Arthur, Let’s go!
SFX SHE STORMS OUT, SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HER
154.ETHERBRIDGE (amused) Don’t worry, Detective Sergeant. She’ll calm down in due course. Your job is safe.
155.LADY PALMER (calling from outside) Arthur!
156.ETHERBRIDGE Coming mother!
SFX BILLINGS AND CLARKSON IN A TRAIN COMPARTMENT
157.CLARKSON ’Ere, Billings! ’Ow long ’ave we been travellin’?
158.BILLINGS (distracted, reading his book) I don’t know.
159.CLARKSON What we going to Berkshire for anyway?
160.BILLINGS To speak to the gardener.
161.CLARKSON What for?
162.BILLINGS To get an identification.
163.CLARKSON I thought lady hoity-toity already did that.
164.BILLINGS Lady hoity-toity refused to go down to the holding cells.
165.CLARKSON You should’ve forced her.
166.BILLINGS Jacobs told me to be gentle with her.
167.CLARKSON Are we nearly there yet? We must’ve been in this train for ages.
168.BILLINGS I don’t know, Clarkson. I’m reading.
169.CLARKSON You’re always bloomin’ reading when I’m trying to chat to you! You’re an unsociable bastard, did you know that? What are you reading now anyway?
170.BILLINGS A diary.
171.CLARKSON You keepin’ a diary?
172.BILLINGS Not mine. Someone else’s.
173.CLARKSON Whose?
174.BILLINGS Another case I’m working on.
175.CLARKSON Have you been given another case?
176.BILLINGS I’m doing a favour for a friend.
177.CLARKSON You work too hard, that’s your problem. That’s why you’re so unsociable.
178.BILLINGS My problem is that I can’t say no. Now, will you please be quiet? I’m trying to concentrate.
179.CLARKSON Just wake me up when we get there.
180.BILLINGS (internal dialogue, reading) Extract from Sebastian Forrester's diary. Tuesday November 4th, 1879.
181.SEBASTIAN (narrating) What follows is an illustration of why I cannot learn anything useful in this wretched place! Mr Crickshaw posed an interesting question today: “A poor man, wretched with ill health, lame and defeated, widowed, homeless and struggling to feed his children, asks you why God continues to make him suffer and never ceases to torment him. How would you reply?” He wanted us to withdraw into the library and scour the scriptures for an answer (he said ‘scriptures’, not ‘bible’). We were given a full hour to research our answers. We were then summoned back into the lecture room and, one by one, we got up and shared our findings with the class. Most of the students turned to the book of Job and uttered all sorts of nonsense about ‘testing faith’ and ‘unwavering obedience’, but not I. When it was my turn, I stood up, held my little book proudly in my hands (the one I’d found in the library, shoved behind the Greek Grammar Volumes) and read out the following:
SFX SOUND OF CHAIRS CREAKING, PENS ON PAPER, ETC
182.SEBASTIAN (reading from his book) They said of Amma Sarah that for thirteen years she was fiercely attacked by the demon of lust. She never prayed that the battle should leave her, but she used to say only: ‘Lord, give me strength’.
Pause
SFX AWKWARD SILENCE. OTHER STUDENTS COUGHING. CREAKING OF SEATS.
183.SEBASTIAN (explaining) It’s all about the struggle. She doesn’t ask for it to end. She just asks for strength to confront it.
184.CRICKSHAW What is that book you’re holding?
185.SEBASTIAN Sayings of the Desert Fathers.
186.CRICKSHAW Where did you find it?
187.SEBASTIAN In the library.
188.CRICKSHAW Impossible! Tatum Hall does not hold copies of that book.
189.SEBASTIAN Well, Tatum Hall must hold at least hold one copy of that book, because I did find it in the library.
SFX OTHER STUDENTS LAUGH
190.CRICKSHAW You were meant to find the answers in the bible.
191.SEBASTIAN Why?
SFX MORE LAUGHTER
192.CRICKSHAW (getting angry) Because at Tatum Hall we are trained to look at facts! Attested historical and theological facts!
193.SEBASTIAN But this is a fact. Amma Sarah was a fifth century nun who dwelt in a cell by the Nile for sixty years and battled all manners of temptations and desires.
194.CRICKSHAW That book is not part of the official Christian canon!
195.SEBASTIAN Does it have to be?
196.CRICKSHAW Yes, Mr Forrester, it absolutely has to be!
197.SEBASTIAN Why?
198.CRICKSHAW Because the bible is our manual! (taps the bible with his hand) This is our law! This and nothing else! ‘Sola Scriptura’, Mr Forrester! You’ll have heard that phrase before, no doubt? Only these scriptures contain all the knowledge necessary for salvation and holiness. Tatum Hall was established to combat the professional ignorance of the majority of well-meaning but uneducated missionaries working abroad, and it is our duty to promote doctrinal truth and vital godliness to any future evangelists. You must refrain from studying anything else while you stay at Tatum Hall. Is that understood?
199.SEBASTIAN (narrating) I simply nodded and sat down. But secretly I slipped the little book into my coat pocket and smuggled it back to my room.
200.SEBASTIAN (narrating) Saturday December 13th, 1879. I found a wonderful wooden Spanish crucifix at a small curiosity shop in St Aldate’s today. Nineteen inches tall and wholly impressive, it depicts Christ only a few breaths away from his release, the nails tearing at the skin of his hands; his protruding ribs streaked with whipping scars; his face wrinkled in agony; the blood from his forehead trickling down into his eyes; the red swollen lash marks on his curved back. It is beautiful. It moved me profoundly when I found it standing on the ground, shoved behind a mahogany umbrella stand, covered in cobwebs, lost and discarded. I bought it then and there for seven and six and rushed back to my room immediately to hang it on the wall.
201.SEBASTIAN (narrating) Monday December 15th, 1879. Crickshaw called me into his office after lecture today.
202.CRICKSHAW I want you to remove the crucifix from your bedroom wall.
203.SEBASTIAN Why?
204.CRICKSHAW It scares the char woman. She’s refusing to enter your room.
205.SEBASTIAN (sulking) I’ll clean the room myself, then. And anyway, I don’t want other people entering my room without permission.
206.CRICKSHAW It is not your room, Mr Forrester. It is the college’s room. And why should you not want anyone to enter it? There are no secrets in this house.
207.SEBASTIAN (angry) If the sight of Christ’s suffering is so frightening to that char woman, then she has no business working at Tatum Hall!
208.CRICKSHAW You are not going to get very far doing missionary work in Madagascar with that attitude. Why did you buy that crucifix in the first place? Aren’t Quakers normally opposed to any form of idolatry?
209.SEBASTIABN We have no rules on the matter.
210.CRICKSHAW Well, Quakers might not have any rules, Mr Forrester, but Tatum Hall does! Tatum Hall is primarily an Anglican institution, and an exception was made by accepting you, a Quaker, due to your father’s financial contributions. But we must draw the line at allowing Catholic iconography from decorating these walls. That crucifix must go! (pause) Perhaps if you explain it to her.
211.SEBASTIAN To whom?
212.CRICKSHAW Janie. The char woman who took objection to the crucifix. Rather than turning your back on her because she takes offence to your icon, you could show her what Christ’s suffering means to you. Show her how Christ’s sacrifice has redeemed us. Every emotion is a door for God to enter through, Mr Forrester, and it is your job to facilitate that entrance. We must remain forever alert to this, and we must grab every opportunity of bringing the Evangelium to the people.
213.SEBASTIAN (narrating) Sunday March 11th, 1880. Last night was cold and clear, but the frost on the grass hadn’t been given the chance to evaporate and the ground remained moist all day. Janie refused to sit down, even though I’d brought a blanket. Instead, she kept walking up and down the tow path, or throwing stones into the river, or just generally loitering about being a pest.
SFX RIVER FLOWING. BREEZE AND BIRDS. JANIE PACING ABOUT THROWING PEBBLES.
214.JANIE (sulking) I thought today were meant to be our day. You ain’t said a word to me all day.
215.SEBASTIAN I conversed with you thoroughly for the whole hour it took us to get to the river.
216.JANIE But I don’t wanna hear about all that morbid Jesus stuff. I wanna hear you talk sweet to me.
217.SEBASTIAN You should have said something.
218.JANIE I couldn’t get a word in.
219.SEBASTIAN Well, anyway, I’m reading my book now, so could you please be quiet for an hour and allow me to concentrate?
220.JANIE And what I am meant to do during that time?
221.SEBASTIAN You could go for a walk.
222.JANIE But I don’t wanna go for a walk. I wanna fool around with you.
223.SEBASTIAN We’ll fool around later.
224.JANIE But I wanna fool around with you now. I wanna fool around all day. We only get one day in the week together. Why can’t we fool around all day?
225.SEBASTIAN Because I want to read my book, that’s why. Now please, I beg you. Leave me alone for an hour.
226.JANIE I thought you weren’t meant to study on the Sabbath. You read all week. You’ve got to give your eyes a rest, Sebastian, or you’ll go blind.
227.SEBASTIAN I read different books during the week. Books I don’t care about. Books that don’t teach me anything. This book, ‘Sayings of the Desert Fathers,’ is the only book I can learn something from. All I’m asking is for you to give me one hour in the week, just one hour, where I can sit quietly alone and enlighten myself. So will you please go to those fields to see if you can find a dry shed somewhere. I promise we’ll fool around later.
228.JANIE (walking away) All right, then, but you’re starting to bore me, Sebastian Forester. If you don’t start showing me a bit of attention soon, I’m going to start looking for a different student to fool around with!
229.SEBASTIAN (narrating) After she left, I remained sitting on the wet ground for a whole hour. The cold seeped through my clothes, making me shiver. My hands were red and sore, my fingers barely able to turn the pages. And yet I wish I could have remained there all day, sitting quietly and upright, moving only to blink or turn the page, battling the pain and discomfort with the aid of my book. Oh, how I would have liked to have been amongst them, in the deserts of Egypt, removed from the world, fighting all temptations and numbing distractions with abstinence, prayer and pain. These men and women had the strength to turn their backs on the world and dedicate themselves selfishly to disciplining their souls and their bodies, so that they could take on the sins of the world and redeem us all through their sweat, blood and tears. But I knew Janie was waiting for me, so after an hour I got up, put my book into my coat pocket, folded the blanket around my arm and headed for the fields to look for her. I found her at the abandoned shed near Iffley lock, squatting on the ground, leaning against the wall.
231.JANIE Hurry up with that blanket. I ain’t lying on the cold floor.
232.SEBASTIAN There’s the blanket.
SFX SEBASTIAN REMOVES HIS BELT
233.JANIE What’re you doing?
234.SEBASTIAN I’m taking off my belt.
235.JANIE Oh, we’re not doing that again, are we?
236.SEBASTIAN Use the buckle side this time.
SFX HE REMOVES HIS SHIRT AND TIES HIS HANDS ON THE CROSS BEAM
237.SEBASTIAN Help me tie my hands to the cross beam.
238.JANIE Can’t we just lie on the floor and fool around?
239.SEBASTIAN Afterwards
240.JANIE But I don’t want to, Seb. You’ve still got scars from last time.
241.SEBASTIAN Come on, just fifty lashes.
242.JANIE No!
243.SEBASTIAN Twenty-five, then.
244.JANIE No!
245.SEBASTIAN Twenty.
246.JANIE None!
248.JANIE But why?
249.SEBASTIAN I told you. No pleasure without pain. Now, come on.
250.SEBASTIAN (narrating) Janie gave me twenty lashes. They weren’t very hard, but the belt buckle broke my skin after the fifth one, and each consecutive lash landed on the open wound, hitting the raw nerve so that I felt the pain right down to my toes. I am unable to recline in my bed now as I write this. The Desert Fathers would use these tortures to beat the demons of lust out of them, but with me they had the opposite effect. The pain just made me randier. Janie and I spent another hour in that shed rolling and frolicking around. The blood of my back stained her underclothes. She’ll have to wash them secretly or burn them, in case her mother finds out. (beat) I did it all wrong. There should have been no reward. Pain without pleasure. I must remember that. ‘Live as though crucified; in struggle, in lowliness of spirit, in good will and spiritual abstinence, in fasting, in penitence, in weeping.’
